Discomfort is caused by thinking simply about yourself and using a lot of 'shoulds'. Discount discomfort by:
- write down objectives that will appease this discomfort
- list out daily actions to reach goal
- hone & change actions to lead to end result
Fear is caused by you anticipating something that is about to happen or at least should be prepared for. Out-prepare fear by:
- define precisely what you fear
- outline steps to extinguish fear
- act to kill fear
- have faith you will be able to accomplish activities
- realize that as you continue to visualize situations & experience failure, you're experiencing failure before you experience failure
Hurt serves as a signal that you expect someone to keep their word, and they didn't; or they did something that feels as if you have lost trust in them. Curb hurt by:
- do not act harshly or immediately. Ask if you really lost anything. Likely, you've miscontrued your expectations. Adjust your expectations
- communicate to person involved. Don't use the word "you". Try this "I feel as if I've been let down because I expected x to occur. Am I wrong to expect this?"
- hedge your emotional risk by diversifying your emotions. ALL of your emotions shouldn't be tied to your expectations of ONE person. Let your emotional expectations be contingent upon YOURSELF,
instead of others; you'll feel empowered & less likely to feel hurt if they don't pan out
Anger is rooted in the primitive, survival part of your brain. Defuse anger by:
- before reacting, ask: "What other possibilities could have driven this pre-set rule I hold dear to be broken?"
- ask firstly: "Going forward, what can I learn from this experience?" And secondly: "In the long run, does this person have my best interest in mind - they just merely slipped up through lack of
understanding?"
Frustration stems from feeling overwhelmed through a set of actions failing to translate into success. Strangle frustration by:
- explore your thoughts & explicitly define goal not achieved
- leverage frustration to map out new goal-attaining actions cum strategies
- leech knowledge & insights from mentor who's experienced the goal you're pursuing
- pursue goal. Remeasure results. No progress? Redraft strategy, and pursue goal again
Disappointment sends a signal you've been let down. You know your anticipated goal probably isn't going to happen. Time for recalibration. Dump disappointment by:
- map out from this experience what critical lessons you've learned, what skills you've developed, how are you equipped for your next venture/goal?
- list out pros & cons of each decision made. Weigh the costs & opportunity costs of sticking to a decision
- create a new goal you can accomplish within 3 months. Make it agile & lean
Guilt tells us some standard has been violated. The pain we expect to feel drive us to make sound decisions. Grill guilt by:
- lower your standards. Perhaps they are too high
- realize that your standard has not been met. Write out that standard & define it clearly to understand it better
- outline action you took that violated this standard
- write out future actions now that you understand your standard more clearly
- commit that you will not violate this standard
Inadequacy sends the signal that you, driven by an irrational standard, feel unworthy. You may not have the talents & skills to accomplish a goal. You need more information, experience, help from
others, talents or strategies. Eradicate inadequacy by:
- write down exactly what skills, experience, knowledge, talents or strategies are preventing you from reaching your goals
- structure how you plan to fill the gap
- be signalled that you have room to improve
- find a person that has been in your shoes before. Leverage their knowledge & skills to get to next level
Overwhelmed denotes you are driven to indifference and you need to re-evaluate life's true purpose by sifting through distractions. Overcome being overwhelmed by:
- outline one critical goal in your career field, your personal life and an overall goal
- identify which goal is critical for you to not feel overwhelmed and set it up to be accomplished in 3 months
- outline action steps, listed in priority
- immediately tackle first item today
- focus on elements you actually can control. Don't fall into trap of controlling systematic rish; diversify & control firm-specific risk
Loneliness. When we are disconnected from people, we are disconnected from life. It signals that you really value people & you feel the need to connect. Slay loneliness by:
- outline type of connection you need - business, friend, intimate
- make a commitment to go out & meet people
- get a dog to cultivate habit of focusing on others rather than self
Life is about emotions, and if you react emotionally, things can get ugly. Fast. Gain a focused mindset through action steps stated above when approaching your life, career & goals.
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